Tips to Healthy Self-Esteem by Eleanor Cole, Ph.D.
Unconditional Self-Acceptance. Make your internal dialogue a positive one.
Resist the tendency to criticize yourself. Talk back firmly and consistently to
ideas that you have of putting yourself down.
your energy into vital interests. Pursue those interests actively and persistently.
Finding your passions is the first step in discovering your true self. Find a
project that you truly enjoy—and that is worth the investment of your energy.
or create a supportive network of caring relatives, friends, and coworkers. Surround
yourself with people who give you consistent positive feedback about your worthwhile
efforts and accomplishments. Avoid those who put you down or make you feel less
than your best.
request respect. If someone is treating you badly, you surely have the right
to request respect from that individual. Use "I" messages to make your point respectfully.
For example you can say, "I prefer that you do not open my mail without my knowledge."
"I prefer that you call me if you are going to come home late." Speak and behave
assertively and firmly in an attempt to get greater justice for yourself in the
an unfortunate thing happens to you, try not to make it into the "end of the world."
Discuss it with friends who can help you get a more beneficial perspective on
the situation. One positive approach to misfortune is to use your experience to
help others who are going through a similar situation.
on acquiring self-discipline. If you have behavior that you’re trying to change
(such as procrastinating, gossiping), try to overcome it. Set goals for yourself
and carry through with them. Use a reward system to help yourself stay consistent.
When you’re not successful in completing your goals, create meaningful (but not
destructive) penalties to help yourself get back on track.
"Compare and Despair". Invest a reasonable amount of energy in an attractive
appearance, including fitness, grooming, and nice clothing, but avoid "comparative-itis"
and "self-downing" about your flaws. Many women feel unattractive simply because
they compare themselves to others.
ethically, kindly, and caringly toward other people. Contributing positively
to the lives of others will help you feel better about yourself. Consider taking
on volunteer work for a worthy cause.
yourself a bit into your discomfort zone. Be a healthy risk-taker. Go after
goals that would be deeply satisfying, but that you feel might be a stretch for
of all celebrate you. Treasure your uniqueness, enjoy it, revel in it. There
is only one you. Look inside and discover what makes you beautiful. And remind